Warwick Castle is a 45 minute train journey from Birmingham so I had to go on my first day off. I mean, look at it! What an awesome castle, and it's home to the world's biggest trebuchet. Freaking amazing. This awesome medieval castle was modelled on the original built by William the Conquerer in 1068. It is now a fully decked out tourist castle heaven, with so much to see and do. There was archery, a Horribly Histories maze, the Tower of History (my favourite part), Princess high teas for the little kids and beautifully ornate interiors.

These kids are throwing fake rats into target. It grosses me out to even look at them.

There are many reasons why I like Scotland - the road trips are incredible, people are super friendly, drinks are cheap, buses run on time, I'm not sweating off my makeup in summer, tiny spiders, free Amazon shipping.... but it's the CRAZINESS that I love. Their national animal is a unicorn, 20 degrees is a hot summer's day, they deep fry everything and they have places like Yester Castle.

Here's an excerpt from Yester's Wiki Page:

"Legend supposed that Hugo was able, via a pact with the Devil, to raise a magical army to his aid, and use them to carry out his will. It is this army of hobgoblins that was considered the builders of Yester Castle."

Sir Hugo de Gifford was known as a powerful wizard and necromancer, who not only conjured the Goblin Builders Guild from Satan himself, but gifted his daughter a magical pear that was to remain undamaged or it would bring disaster and grief to her family. She kept it safe until a few hundred years later when one peckish bride-to-be snacked on the enchanted pear, leading her and her future family into misfortune. The pear turned to rock, complete with bite mark for absolute proof of pear's magical fruit-to-rock-transformation, and it's still housed at Colstoun House to this day. What a country!

After discovering Yester Castle at secretscotland.org.uk I knew I had to go and see if for myself. Sarah was due to visit a few weeks later so I shared the Wizard of Yester story with her and we planned to visit the moment she stepped off the plane. Yester is approximately a 45 minute drive from home and is located in rural Edinburgh with no directions, signs, fanfare, NOTHING. I loved this about Yester, it was the first castle I've visited that you have to put in some serious effort to visit, that can only be found by asking someone to point you in the right direction and hoping you don't get lost!
After doing a bit of research I discovered that asking someone at the golf course was the best way of  finding the castle. Our golfer pointed us off into the distance, directing us over fields, through farm gates, dodging horses, avoiding the tractors, across a stream, through the forest, follow one of the paths (but you have to guess which one!), continue up a hill or two and you should come upon the ruins of the castle. It was such an awesome moment to be walking through a forest and stumbling upon a castle. Built by a wizard. And goblins.

We spent some time wandering around the castle, trying to find the entrance to the subterranean chamber where the goblins were conjured. The three entrances we found were boarded/caged up and I'm not going to lie, I was way too afraid to even look through the darkness of the caves. What if we fell in? What if we saw something. It's was scary - don't judge. Only the one golfer man knew where we were and he had probably already forgotten about us. And I would not want to be here after dark.

Is this the subterranean chamber built by the goblins? Too afraid to get any closer.

Stumbling upon Yester Castle!

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Day one of our Game of Thrones tour! This is the reason we came to Northern Ireland in the first place, to visit the filming locations of the greatest tv show of all time! Our tour guide worked as an extra on the show, he was a member of the Baratheon army and died seven separate times in the Battle of Blackwater. It was so good to have a behind the scenes look at the show, and visit where scenes were filmed and how they created the castles.

Let's start with Inch Abbey, a 12th century monastic ruin where Robb Stark was proclaimed the King of the North. We had costumes, swords (we had Needle, Longclaw, Ice, Oathkeeper), shields, the Hounds helmet and awesome cloaks. Yeah we had a ball taking dress up selfies around the Abbey.

Next up was the tree Brienne and Jamie see the men the Stark Army had hung. Also one of the first times that we see how much of a badass Brienne as she beats the crap out of the deflecting Stark men. Badass bitch. Our guide (I forgot his name, let's call him Robert) went through the day holding up production stills and film stills to show us what was filmed in the location we were in.

What's next? This tower was used twice, the first time as the setting of Robb's Camp, and also used as the Twins in Riverlands. You know, where the Red Wedding was held. A bit of CGI magic added a few extra details to make the castles look different. Also, do you notice the tree on the hill across the river? That's what they call a "sexy tree", prominent trees that feature in the show. 

OMG DIREWOLVES. I had no idea I could be star struck by dogs, but these are the actual dogs that played Grey Wind and Summer. RIP you wonderful direwolves, you deserved better. These beautiful Northern Inuit dogs are actually called Thor and Odin, and are owned by a family who have all been extras in both Game of Thrones and Vikings.

And of course, WINTERFELL. So I didn't know what to expect when we entered Winterfell, but I did not realise just how much CGI went into creating the castle. They used the single tower of the real castle, copy and pasted it to make a double tower entrance and voila we have Winterfell!

Our last stop was at Tollymore Forest Park, which is where a number of scenes were filmed. The first place we were taken to was a pit that was used in the very first scene of the show, where the members from the Night's Watch were slaughtered by the White Walkers. 

Most importantly, this is where they filmed the scene of the discovery of the direwolves!

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There is an information panel in front of the castle that beings with the following line:

"You are following the route of the Highways of the Sea Kingdoms."

The Sea Kingdoms!! Holy shit. Castle Stalker is one of many sea castles on the west coast of Scotland. I’ve tried to google the sea kingdoms and only a book by Alistair Moffat shows up on the topic. These sea castles were built on rocks at sea for easier access in an age where there were few easy land routes. Castle Stalker was built around 1450 and it actually looks terrifying. It looks like something out of a horror movie, and it’s most definitely haunted right?

The drive up to Aros Castle is literally a driveway to someones home. There’s a trampoline and swing set right next to the castle. Only in Scotland. The castle was built in the 13th century by the MacDougalls before it was taken over by, you guessed it, the Campbell clan. It had been described as “ruinous, old, useless and never of any strength.”

This awesome castle can be spotted on the ferry from Oban to Craigmure, and look at the photos on google of how incredible it is! Unfortunately, it was covered in scaffolding while I was there. I get it, it’s in the middle of a restoration, but I couldn’t hide the disappointment that I didn’t get to see it in its full glory. Don’t get me wrong, it was still spectacular. In 1350 it was given as a dowry from the Lord of the Isles to the Chief of the Clan Maclean, and the Maclean’s are still owners of the castle to this day (after buying it back from those pesky government troops of Clan Campbell). The inside of the castle was so well done, featuring the history of the castle, Clan Maclean and around the Isle of Mull. I was staring out the window looking across to the mountains when a man in full kilt regalia came up next to me and started pointing out the mountain names. Then he disappeared. Was he even real? Had I taken some strange island hallucinogens? I’ll never know.

Detouring to the castle on my way to Oban I see the other sign I love so much, the sign that the castle is under care of Historic Scotland. Which means free entry for yours truly. My Historic Scotland membership has already paid for itself at least 3 times over. Dunstaffnage is one of Scotland’s oldest stone castle, dating back to the 13th Century. I headed to the museum first which stated that the original stronghold that the castle was built upon/over, once kept the Stone of Destiny. The castle is now in ruins, apart from the gatehouse that was built in the 15th Century which is still used by the castle’s officer called the Hereditary Captain of Dunstaffnage, who is required to spend 3 nights a year in the castle. And that is his only responsibility. Ooh, there’s also the castle ghost known as “Ell-maid of Dunstaffnage”. Cool.

This is some Blair Witch shit.