I came upon this castle by accident while driving around the seaside village of Tarbert. I was driving through the narrow streets trying to find a good spot to take a picture when I noticed the crumbling ruins and set out determined to find a way to get to it. Walking up a narrow cobblestoned staircase and past scary wild goats, I finally got to Tarbert Castle. It started to rain, and I had left my jacket in the car as I didn’t think I would need it. Hello, this is Scotland, of course I need it!

Tarbert Castle became a royal castle in 1292, and underwent a major renovation rumble in 1325 by Robert The Bruce (I must find out what “the Bruce” means. Could he not decide between Robert or Bruce? Pick a name Robbo!) Then, about 150 years after King Rob completed The Block: Brucie Builds a Castle, James IV took over renovation duties and extended the fort and increased facilities for artillery and gun powder. It was all over for Tarbert Castle in 1760, when the people of Tarbert decided that the castle’s stone would be more useful in building materials for the harbour and village. And now it sits atop a hill, nothing but a crumbling ruin.

Located on the shore of Loch Fyne, Stonefield Castle was built in 1837 and while a young castle in UK terms, this castle is one of the most beautiful I have ever seen and I want to live here forever. And ever. 

On arrival I asked the guy in reception where the secret passages are and he gave me the most judgemental glare which to me translated to “I can’t tell you”. So I spent the good part of an hour exploring the castle, stealthy leaning on walls for hidden doorways, pulling on lights because they might be levers to a secret room. I went through all the books and they all appeared, unfortunately, to be simply books. I tried to move one of the side tables in the library but I was caught by the judgy receptionist. I just told him I had dropped something. Awkward.

Failing to find the secret passages that I am SURE exist, I wandered around the grounds of the castle and went on bush walks to the loch and surrounding forests. It was so beautiful, everything so vibrantly green and lush. I wandered for ages alone in the forest, I really felt completely cut off from the world as the only sound I could hear were insects and birds. Then I started thinking about bears. Are there bears in Scotland? What do I do if I see one? Could I outrun one? Do they swim? Is the water too cold for me to swim if an escape is needed? Am I being followed? What if I’m mauled by bears and no one finds me until the bear grows old and dies and they find my remains in its gut after dissecting it after they found traces of my clothing in its teeth and I shouldn't be alone for this long and I’m freaking out and maybe I should never leave my room ever again.

So after my imaginary brush with death, I figured it was safer to sit in the car and drive around the countryside. At least my Peugeot can outrun where I can’t. 

(update: google tells me there are no bears in Scotland.)